OOOOH!!! LOOK AT ME! I did 165 hours of silent meditation last year! Aren’t I spiritual?
And this is the first time I’ve shown this to anyone. Isn’t that humble? And this screenshot was from over a month ago, when I had many fewer hours logged. Isn’t that modest? And I’m clearly making fun of myself now. Isn’t that self-effacing?
I don’t tell you about all the hours I volunteer and all the money I donate not because I’m such a spiritual person, but because I’m not – because I think that withholding that information makes me a better person. Have you ever read The Fall by Camus? The opening monologue yanked out my precious soul and ground it into the cheap meat I always knew it was.
Am I being too hard on myself? Probably. Am I utterly devoid of pure, loving motivation? No, not utterly. But my cup runneth over with spiritual materialism. This isn’t novice meditator stuff & I promise I’ll explain more later, but I’m behind on work and living out of a bag this weekend and I just wanted to say hi and lay this on you. Dig it, man.
clawing my way to enlightenment 
I find I can replace my attachment to the physical with distracting proxies which are also not of the central power of grace, mercy, compassion, and Love.
I am able to be misdirected in a flash. The sense or feeling of self pride or accomplishment is a que: Bill you are not focused where it would be best.
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Indeed. If we can be redirected as quickly, though, that’s pretty good. It happens sometimes, but it’s not easy.
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Do you withhold the praiseworthy information because you feel like a better person for doing so, or because people are often quick to judge if others appear to be bragging? (Genuinely curious, not judging. ;)) I think about this sometimes, that there’s a difference between bragging and being happy with oneself and a difference between being happy with oneself and wanting to share to invite others to volunteer and donate. And the only one that feels icky to me is bragging.
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I’m with you, Laurie. I think I’m far more critical of myself and any expression of self-praise than other people are of me. I know there are situations when you’re supposed to give yourself kudos, but whenever I do so out loud, I just feel gross. But I find ways around it. I not only do it internally, I do it out loud in sneaky, sideways fashion. I can’t give you any good examples now, but I know I do that.
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